It had been more than a month since I had last talked to him. She told him to break up with me so he emailed me and said we needed to take a break until the situation gets better. I met other guys got into relationships but didnt work. He regularly bought me presents and he showered me with compliments. At the beginning, I was super in love with him and I would put in so much effort. Hes everything youd want in a guy except for the fact that hes not romantic at all, sometimes I feel like he puts no effort into anything. He said he would change, but he said that before. More than likely you will both have to work on this throughout your relationship and adjusting as the relaitonship adjusts and GROWS. Needless to say, I do not want to get married, to see if that will make a difference. He knows im going to have sex with him if he initiates it because im 36 years old and NEVER EVER EVER have sex. Oct 1, 2017 I was at the Rought 91 shooting in Vegas, Febr 2018 my husband at the time decided to go back to being a Jehovahs witness and puts a ton of stress on our 17 years of marriage, March 2018 get fired from new job of 2 months, July 2018 he cheats on me and divorces me. I do really love him even we just got together. This is NOT the man I fell in love with that I move in with 5.5 years ago. He is not a bad person, his life I guess doesnt have room for me..This decision has however, broken me, I know it was right but it still hurts I just hope I wasnt expecting too much??? How can he be so sure of that and not even care to nurture our relationship? We havent been fighting everyday. I ask him what was his intention of saying it and give him the space to nagivate the answer by himself. For the first time in my life,i met someone who truly loves me,he gives me everything i want,he goes out of his way to do anything for me,but because i have being in so many bad relationships,i find it hard to trust him,lately we were having so many issues,cos i couldnt trust him and thought he was cheating! I dont want a father figure, i want a man that i love to show love to me. I realized how I stopped wearing some clothes because he didnt like them, for example. I have trust issues as well. I feel like he doesnt love me as much as he used to. Now he wants us to not meet more than 2 times per week, even if none of us are working or studying full time at the moment. Right now I feel like Im an inconvenience to him. You have to be willing to become selfless. I dont feel that he supports me in my decisions on things. Then we usually get in an argument and sometimes we break off for about a week. Thats was our first time seeing each other in person (granted, Id seen him randomly beforehand in elementary school years before that). Youre worth someone who is your equal. You can only hold on to hoping that things change for so long. I have 2 dogs who give me so much love and fulfillment. My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up recently, but within a few days, he decided he wanted to get back together to work things out. And he knows that Im on the edge of being homeless and I know theres not much he can do. Doesnt want to go do nothing but work on projects for the house. and he even told me that her wife cheated on him. He said hes tired or too busy. This is my first affair and his 2nd. He did say that we wont be able to talk as much cause theyve got people over and he did apologise before hand but I really cant stand him disappearing during our lil catch-up session to play games,without telling me. So yes hun step back cause I think we are doing too much. But I genuinely hope this would be of help (to you and to anyone whos going through a similar scenario). If youre reading this article and the comments, Im sorry youre here. Girl what? He can say he loves me and misses me million times a day but then he doesnt make an effort for us to be together when we could because hes just very comfortable. Its now Tuesday, nothing. Xx. I would then open a honest discussion about how we both feel when I return. MUCH LOVE!!! He even had a heartbreaking confession that he has been going through the years. Try not to get upset, irritated, or emotional. After being ignored all week he told me he was going on a boys trip, except he failed to mention he was already on the road out of town. My boyfriend and I have been together over 3 years. and that is why up to now im still here with him despite the unhappiness. He expressed his anger in silence. I bought him a journal for prompting thoughts of positivity and gratitude, He acted appreciative and was OK to do the morning and evening prompts. Then we signed our new real lease together and I dont know how we got where we got but he started getting lazy. Just know, that you DO deserve love in this relationship. Everyone always says how Couples always fight, but that was never us. I dont get it. He doesnt know how to express himself anymore. He foes sweet thoughtfulthings when I come over yo see him. I am clearly the one putting any effort into the relationship where I think I have just made it too easy for him. Then it was our anniversary two days later.he forgot. Am so confused I dont rilly know what to do . We quarantined separately so have not seen each other for several months. My boyfriend had a terrible marriage and an even worse divorce. he nvr suprises me, nvr rlly care if im okay or not. Should I quit or continue with the relationship? There may be more social pressure on men to be the ones who go after women, but hes got feelings too. Were both in college and when we started dating we were together all the time, we went out together with friends, we watched movies, etc. But then he started talking to me normally and we was fine for a couple weeks but its been 3 weeks now he just hasnt been putting effort in and leaves me on read and blancs my messages (on snapchat we have a streak and thats when he snaps me) & I texted him saying hiya and he left me on read I just dont know what to do anymore my friends have told me to end this but I really do love him what shall I do? Then he asked me out for coffee later tonight if i am free, I told me I am already engaged ( which I am). I am always will to do anything however since I love notice it was only me doing it Ive been reluctant. One of the best things to do when youre confused about your relationship is to pull back and try to see yourself and your boyfriend more objectively. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He doesnt check up on me to see if Im okay or if I get home okay, and it just hurts me that he never wants to spend time with me when were out drinking with our friends? Its almost like when he couldnt have me he would try hard and now he has me and he doesnt have to put in anymore effort. Recently I even paid half of his carnote because he didnt have the money until next week & I couldnt get my hair or nails done. I read this article today because today he laughed at me when I put on a dress that wasnt low cut or revels my chest. But the few times i ask him to go out of his way for me, its like im not important enough for him to do anything for. Anniversaries, birthdays etc. thats about it. Go out more often, meet new people, make friends, get involved with charity organisations or simply start a class for something you always wanted to do; try a new hairstyle, go shopping, take yourself on dates, go to a beach or a lake and enjoy the sunset (yes alone! He never seems to try, you know. How did I give him permission? Im just confused if he really want me he should have no excuses in having time with me. I have been dealing with a lot lately. We talked about it seriously the 2nd year. Would you be better off without him? I cant say no because if I do I feel like Im being lazy and letting them down, plus they get mad at me for saying no. Which actually does NOT suck because I was married for 24 years and I dont miss having to make sure someone eats supper, has clean clothes, etc. When I do, its the absolute bare minimum or just a bunch of excuses. Either way I have decided to just sit back and live my life. Ive been with my mate for 8 years prior to dating we were band mates .I knew him to be extremely introverted and not the happy go lucky type but I honestly had no idea it would be like pulling a tooth without novocaine to get any emotional response, support or growth,out of him!I feel stunted and see my life ever changing and evolving yet his ,the same .He has taken on many of my attributes oddly ,yet I feel, Ive gained nothing in return. Fast forward to after the trip, he rolled back into town and expected me to be completely free for him to come over to loaf around my apartment. Then I gave up on trying to figure it out. I am lonely but at least Im not being rejected because Im not pretty enough or funny or have a lot of friends. he nvr wants to go out w me, not even to dinner. he only paid for me once and he never surprises me with dates or buy gifts. My boyfriend has told me that multiple times and yet we are in the same place months later. Omgod girl leave him. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 8 months. He tells me he is going to bed and we will talk about tomorrow. Writing down your expectations will not only help you gain clarity and insight into yourself, itll also help you see if you need to change what you expect of your boyfriend. The man is now in jail. Besides, if hes almost 60, he might be a little old for you. Also, Ive been having a lot of cheating dreams but Im assuming its because he doesnt make me feel secure in the relationship because of the change. Hes too shy to talk to you directly. He keeps doing this and now he is ignoring me again and idk whats going onhe was couch hopping but hes back at his sisters now and he wont answer my emails. Heres what to do: write down the three strongest emotions you feel about your boyfriends lack of effort in your relationship. I also pay all the bills, budgeting, grocery shopping. Even when I would ask him in advance if he would like to make plans this weekend, he would say something like, Probably or I have a lot to do but we will probably figure something out. And then it would be the last minute, Hey you want to come over? So I was already starting to get the clue that I am a last priority option. I really love this article. I used to brag up the fact that he was one of those guys who would actually reply to all of a lengthy message so to speak but lately he ignores a lot of whats said as if he just doesnt care. So thats why he wasnt there and because his board broke. P.S. And also i didnt want to behave with him like that.but i loved him so much and i did every thing i can di for him. I may be demanding at times but I definitely know I deserve more than the effort hes willing to put in. I truly dont know what to do.. Ive been with my bf for 3 years now and were expecting. I think the common thread here is, we are attaching ourselves to emotionally unavailable men. But hes not different. Please help me , I have the same situation weve been dating for a year and 3 months and its the exact same way idky doe . 2 years ago, something was off in our relationship and he wasnt making effort with me, almost at all. Things you never even thought of knowing. he is the most amazing boyfriend i have ever had or so it was a little while ago. I am not sure what to think or how to react, I really like him and he is a good respectable person. When I started dating him I was very strong in my religion. I love him very much, he often talks about our future, kids and stuff but he isnt willing to do any sacrifices for the relationship. Its like Im wrapped around his finger but he doesnt want to care and so its hard for me to let go because I truly love him but hes not the same with me. We met and it was pretty much an instant connection. Again, tons of excuses. Is your boyfriend an emotionally unavailable man? He is quite affectionate and does make sure the bills are paid etc. Coz I know he loves me but I dont know what gets over him all of a sudden. This past week, I got strep throat and was miserable, so I didnt do anything, and since I got antibiotics, Ive been feeling better, but Im debating on doing anything to show him how much I do and how little he does. Im sorry, and I know it can be a really hard thing to do, but you need to leave. Create your own personal world girl. His family are complicated, we rushed into our relationship, live together almost 5 years. Everything is done ON PURPOSE to stick a fork in his eye like youre not that important, sorry. When your partner no longer cares about what you say, doesn't value your presence, and doesn't seem to be invested in whats going on in your life, its can feel as though they're taking steps toward living a life without you. Still, surprises still pop up often enough to keep you on your toes. He has joint custody of his 17 yr old daughter and about 2 months ago he found out that her stepdad had been engaging in sexual activity with her. Did your boyfriend stop making an effort because hes distracted or stressed about something else in his life? I appreciated it still but it was all cheap and last minute, again lack of effort. He is not interested in knowing what my love language is. Like, Ive planned 90% of our dates. When You Wish You Were Married: Comfort and Joy on Lonely Days. However, just before christmas time, the same things started to happen again, effort drops off. If you feel like hes avoiding you and youve tried to get his attention and it hasnt worked, then dont insist Thats for a few reasons. Nor was him working full time and on his masters degree for 18 months. Its so hard due to his work ,he still trying his best to see me at least thats what he told me. When I ask him about it hes adamant that he still wants to be with me for the long haul and that he still loves me the way that he did when we met, which I feel so bad for doubting but its just so hard not to when things change like that. Ive been with him since july 2020 and its been rocky but its resolved and yeah there is zero effort to hang out and i have to initiate everything. We have been talking for almost a month. Heres my concern-We live 70kms apart amd stick to phone calls and texts and online communication. He says he feels out of touch with his emotions, and he doesnt know how to think or handle them. from there we started to be friend. He does not take me out for surprise outings or does not plan anything for us to do as a couple, but still i do not complain much about that. I realize ,Im no cup of tea at times either but I never lied, cheated or left him in the dark .I feel incredibly cheated by the amount of time I spent culturing and cultivating a better life for him so that he may go impress someone else because of what I had endured dealing with his crumbs of affection why is it with men its all up your ass or nothing at all where is the balanced gentleman I so crave ? Disappointment is a strong emotion to deal with. Dont let him have it easy. You dont deserve to be treated like nothing. That being said, on Christmas or birthdays or Valentines day, I expect something. I think I should take a relationship break but dont want to lose him. She tried to meet my bf but she found out about more crazy stuff and i got into a lot of trouble. I love my girlfriend but I never know what to say to her. Oh n did i mention that i literally have NOWHERE ELSE TO GO? Im so upset. He asked me to come to his section I said no Ill stay w my friends. But Ive just always felt like im not one of his priorities. Im planning to attend grad school this coming August and I havent manage to get all my stuff in yet because Im busy with my kiddos, house chores and helping him with work. You wouldnt even have to be sad or feel bad for him, because the honest reality is that he didnt value all your efforts while you gave a damn. We both have made developments and decided to let go of our bad past. The crazy thing about all this is that even tho Im the one craving attention and love and effort in the relationship, he actually relies on me a lot. I thought that would be an isolated incident but it happened again this weekend. Should I leave? We lived together in my apartment for about a year & a half. It was pretty obvious I didnt know how to skate haha but everyone around me did and were doing tricks. im still giving him a 100 up till today. he says he wants to break off because he is busy in his work and stuff. I think the best thing to do would be to withdraw and give him space. Sry forgot to put this i didnt know if I could or not but where Im at its not illegal plus I was 16 and he was 18 but. He also uses really unfair arguments when fighting, like things I never mentioned or meant. Maybe if you dont hear from him send him a positive text that you are thinking of him but let him come to you. I wasnt looking but I found it. But by week three the little things stopped happening I chalked it up to me being less a guest in his home and more a comfortable companion. Every weekend is now him doing chores, cleaning, going to the dry cleaners and food store at 8am and by the early afternoon the incessant yawning starts. When leaving to go home, 98% of time, he kisses me passionately and holds me tight. He says he works so hard for me or us so we can have the things we want in life and Im so grateful but money isnt everything. The last year and half has been a struggle just one thing after the other. We had to fight a lot so I can see his friends pictures. Men just are good at keeping it closed up. All I want is for us to share things I love together and not just his hobbies and interests. I really dont know what how to go about it. Ugh. I realized he was not the man for me. But nope as well. I know its a tough pill to swallow, but in time you will heal. Wow girl as Im reading this I cant believe I didnt write it lol. hed text at 11-1am for me, but by then i would have fallen asleep. Its sad. Do you want to stay with your boyfriend, just the way he is right now? Hes just too self-absorbed. Im an emotional person but I always try to talk and let him know Im upset so that he knows not to act a certain way. Its Valentines Day , I been with my boyfriend for 6 months. The one girl has sent him particularly sweet friendly messages on Whatsapp a few times so Im even more jealous than I already was. If you have never met in person then its more than enough reason to break up with him. Im going through the same thing now. Which I loved! Especially because hes not an introverted person, he has a lot of friends he goes out with often to play board games or to bars. You, me, and probably thousands of other girls are in the same boat right now with the Coronavirus. He never tells me anything until i find out or i discuss my issues. Writing can help you discover if youre expecting too much, or if your boyfriend stopped making an effort because your relationship doesnt mean much to him. But I have been through more than enough pain and tough times for my age and I really wanted to be of help because I can imagine what you must be going through. Being that were sophomore and junior now, we dont have any classes together. yes I did give myself to him.he was my first.. and it was the second time I snuck out but I did everything for him and I get ignored. We recently broke up with him due to the fact that, despite my efforts to express how I didnt feel like a priority, and him apologizing, him not making an effort to see me during the week (Works been crazy) and saying he would call me at night, but not, he did not change and I gave it 2 1/2 weeks. he says that he cares and loves me but doesnt do anything to show me that. But all I want from him is a simple hug. After his birthday he left his sisters and moved in with his mom. I dont have a say in anything and I cant express how I feel because he tells me its all on me and pretty much its my fault I feel the way I do. Is like he is taking his frustration with having no control at work out on me. 7 Signs You Can Trust Your Boyfriend After He Cheated, 7 Ways to Convince Your Ex to Give You a Second Chance, When the Man You Love is Marrying Someone Else, When Your Ex Starts a New Relationship: 3 Ways Through the Pain, 7 Signs You Arent Ready for a Relationship, Emotionally Detaching From Someone You Love. Ive been with my bf for a year & half but we have past history. Maybe he doesnt want to look like a fool. Hes the opposite. But I needed to know if he still wanted the relationship with me because he has been so distant. he is a loyal person i know that but hes too self centered and he makes me feel like im not important. Now I just want to be alone. But also in the past few months he has also started growing his own pot, which I cant handle. Its also heartbreaking, especially when you want to be with him. I have met and gone out with his friends. I want to tell him that having me over for take out and to spend the night is not enough. We girls if determined, are so much more stronger than guys Angela. I am feeling, like my expectations may be too high. If I try to go out of the way to show gratitude, he insists I dont care. If we cant COMMUNICATE with our guys needs to be worked on by both parties. If I were you Id take a break and keep your heart open for a new partner who is more compatible with you and whos needs match with yours, at least whos match a bit more than he does. Hurt Feelings. Over the past 2 months something changed. First, the more you push, the more he will pull back, because whatever his reason is, the pressure from you wont help. There could be many reasons why your partner is not showing you the affection you desire, and according to therapist, dating and relationship coach and former matchmaker Lauren Korshak, one major reason could be that they are suffering from a crisis. He didnt even make an effort to see me or plan anything the week before he went out of town. Idk what to do I dont want to lose him but i cant tell if he loves me or not he says he rlly does but doesnt act like it. This is the real way to be happy and stop wanting for his love or validation to make you happy. Try to change. By lack of effort I mean that its almost like pulling teeth to get him to plan weeks ahead to figure out when we will be able to see eachother. I dont expect a perfect relationship but I guess he does. For the past few months I noticed he stopped making effort. Then, youll know what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship. he would nvr go out of his way to do anything for me now and it makes me wonder why because what am i lacking? I miss my best friend and I hate that it feels like maybe hes not missing me as much as I do. I dont know what to do and need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. Ive been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. im in the same boat as you and it really sucks. September came around. I have been with my boyfriend 15 years and yes he is still boyfriend no engagement no wedding haha. Maybe you feel grateful when your boyfriend finally decides to stop by at 10 pm, without calling first. The first date was half a year into our relationship at an Italian restaurant. I tried to be understanding and not ask for a lot but it just got worse. Hello Crystal, I am very interested in what you have said, do you mind to give more details please? The more effort you put in, the harder it will be for you to leave. Youre not alone my girl xxx, My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2yrs now, everything was all good until the beginning of 2019,he started to distance himself from me, one day I received a text message from a strange number asking me if I know my boyfriend and if we are dating, I was calm and honest when I answered the text, I went to whatsapp and checked the number out and I saw the photo, it was a lady texting me, I asked her who she was and she said she was just a friend to my guy and she noticed that lately my guy has been stressed and she thought it was a lady stressing her, thats why she snooped on his phone and got my number, all this time I remained calm, thee following day I decided to go to my boyfriend house without informing him, it was around 10pm, I met with the same lady their, my guy was not around, I got inside the house and the lady went straight to sit at the bed while I was sitting at the chair, I couldnt wait any longer I went home, I couldnt get in touch with the guy on phone, his phone was off, the following day this same lady called me at around 7pm telling me that my boyfriend is sick, I went to his house and I found the lady with my guy sitting on the bed very close, I was still calm I said hi and I sat on the chair, this lady excused herself and left me with my guy, I asked him who was the lady and he told me that his best friend was dating Herr so they are just good friends, we spoke and everything was good, the following day in the morning this lady text me and tells me why I came to break that guys heart, the guy told the lady that I had come to break up with him, that I told him I found another man, I never said anything like that, why was my guy lying? 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he stopped giving me attention